
In August 2018, I converted to Christianity. A change I had never, ever, ever expected to make in my life.
It has taken me some time to share my story, but here we go. Below are some of the milestones that led to this literal leap of faith and change of heart.
As a freedom-loving, slightly travel-addicted, and soul-seeking digital nomad entrepreneur, I had spent years carving out a life I loved. Yet…
Sometimes life serves us such a surprising shift, that we’re never quite the same again.
A series of synchronistic events ended up leading to a leap of faith.
It started on a Singapore trip, when a stranger suddenly told me the story of how he had come to Christ. Wow. I listened respectfully and was touched, but honestly, soon shrugged it off. I loved my “freedom lifestyle”. Even though Christianity sounded beautiful, it had always seemed too strict and serious for me.
The next clue came back in Bali, a month later, on a less-than-peaceful occasion. I was unexpectedly caught in the longest and strongest earthquake of my life. It had hit the neighboring island of Lombok but could be clearly felt on Bali.
With all walls and even the floor shaking, there was no longer any solid foundation, everything that had always seemed stable was now unreliably shaking. In a split second something began to dawn on me… what if the the spiritual foundation I thought I had built for myself, was in fact a façade.
It brought a Bible story to my mind, which I must have picked up at some point in my life, when I had a phase of reading parts of the Bible. It was about Jesus teaching on solid foundations:
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock” -Matthew 7:24
‘And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds …’ -Philippians 4:7
My heart was leading me in a direction that my mind was not yet willing to walk. Opening my mind would mean opening the Bible. And although I resisted as long as I could, one day I ended up taking that leap of faith. As I began reading the Bible, there was no turning back. Something had been stirred. Page by page, my beliefs were seriously challenged and slowly changed.
Even the idea I’d always had of God started to shift. I went from seeing God as a universal energy in everyone and everything, to a more personal, and thankfully patient, father-like figure who was always there when I knocked on the door, lovingly leading me. My idea of Christianity began to shift too, from one of following rigid religious rules to learning to live in a loving relationship with Jesus and everyone else for that matter, including myself. My longing to live with love shifted from a vague spiritual path to a daily process.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of”
-Blaise Pascal
I was coming home in every sense of the word
Life continued to change, and so did I
There is nothing and no one that has changed me as much and as fast as this faith, as God…
It all started in January 2018. New year, new intention. I had innocently coined my word for the year: MIRACULOUS. I was ready to take off although I had no idea of the direction it was going to take.
First, I flew to Bali for a second visit, and then kept on extending my stay. On the surface, my life seemed sunny. I was following my heart around the world, working from wherever, and was now surrounded by sweet, hippie, happy, heartful friends, an abundance of healthy and delicious food, fun, sun, scooter, beach and palm trees. All my wish-list items were checked off.
Yet behind the happiness hid a sense of emptiness-which I would never admit to myself as I was supposed to enjoy living my dream! That’s when it all began…
I had been shaken and stirred to slowly start reading the Bible when the third of the synchronistic events took place.
It happened while I was waiting in a water temple where I would be spiritually ‘purified’. The pool was cold and crowded, and I grew increasingly irritated with the loud conversations which seemed disrespectful in this sacred place.
Suddenly, a sense of peace washed over me. All the noise dissipated and didn’t matter anymore. My surroundings were the same, but something inside me had changed. And as if to top it off, a dragonfly landed on my Balinese prayer basket and a Bible verse I had once read came back to mind:
The peace of God! That’s what I was feeling. I just knew it… somehow.
At this point, I finally saw the signs and how they pointed in a direction I would have preferred to deny. Christianity was calling. But not in the pious and preachy way of living I always thought it was. This unexpected change was coming from the inside out.
My heart had been doing the pioneering work, but my mind was now catching up. Clarity came. A new direction. My life turned 180 degrees around: I was going to go back to my ‘home’ country, The Netherlands, where I hadn’t lived in years. I would quit working behind the computer and start working more with people. I would find a place of my own, perhaps even a church, etc, etc.
As simple as it had seemed, reality brought many bumps in the road and developments weren’t as swiftly and smoothly as hoped. Throughout it all though, my faith deepened, and I developed a sense of peace, trust, connection, and calm happiness which I had never known but had unknowingly longed for all my life.
For a while, I was on a spiritual honeymoon. For about three months I traded my free-spirit lifestyle for a faith-focused one, studying all about Christianity. I needed this deep dive, even though my family and friends were starting to slightly worry. But soon, I became more balanced and am still integrating faith into my daily life. So much that I can now no longer imagine life without it.
It began with remarks from those close to me who noticed more peace and stability in me, and I personally also observed how my actions and reactions were shifting. Whereas I used to chase happiness in searching and surfing the highs of life, I now prefer peace over passion. The same goes for simplicity over status, solid foundations over facades, and authenticity over approval.
With hundreds of books, courses, workshops, and trainings that I have followed over the years, there is nothing that has changed me as fast, lastingly, and deeply as (this leap of) faith.
This shift did have its consequences though, such as surrendering the cozy comfort zone that I had created for myself. This different direction also led to leaving behind part of my much-loved lifestyle, situations, surroundings, and even people, which was heartbreaking at times.
It also led to new people, places, and a new path in life. A path that still feels like coming home, a lighter way of living and loving. This journey has taught and is reminding me daily to keep the faith, no matter what, as Martin Luther King Jr. said:
Beautiful to read. I have been going to churches as well lately. 🤷♀️ Lets see where it goes.
Just reading this now, so sorry. Thank you for your comment and so beautiful to hear you’ve been going to churches as well. Yes let’s see where it goes <3
Liebe Nicki,
Vielen Dank für diese schöne und berührende persönliche Geschichte.
Es ist sehr mutig von Dir, Dich so zu offenbaren.
Ich denke an dich und wünsche dir alles erdenklich Gute.
Gudula
Danke liebe Gudula für Deine Worte und sorry für die späte Antwort, sah jetzt erst Dein Reaktion! Wünsch Dir/ euch auch alles Liebe und Gute! 🤗
OK wow I never thought you’d take this step, but it seems to be the right thing for you. I can imagine how you struggled to admit all of this and openly write about it. Life is too short to hide behind anything. This feels like the right thing for you. In the end it is all about love: feeling, sharing, giving love in everything you do. Be blessed my dear.